Monday 11.29.10 – Carlos

I’m angry.
I’m pissed.
I’m flying through the air, full speed, with a vengance.

This is for the people who make excuses, the people I don’t know, who are comfortable with mediocrity. The people who talk about change but can’t make it happen.

There is a mean streak inside me that is slowly taking over. Like Kanye West says in his INCREDIBLE new album, “gossip gossip, all you niggas stop this, Everybody knows I’m a motherfucking monster” That’s how I feel right now.

I am slowly learning to channel it, but for know its a rage that is being brought out at the smallest thing. The other day I almost pounded someone’s face in because the honked at me for 4 seconds, because I was waiting for an old lady to pull out of her parking space.

I’ve taken to wearing celtics gear 24/7 almost subconsciously in hopes someone says something mean enough, so I can let loose the green monster.

Don’t get me wrong, I am angry, full of rage, but I’m also tha happiest I’ve been in months. I’m nearing 40 lbs of weight loss. Doing it the only way that works…for someone like me…hard hard work at the gym, and 6 meals a day.

I punish myself at the gym with a tenacity I didn’t know I possess. Usually I’ll play 3-4 full cour basketball games, take 200 shots, run a mile, bike 4, and do 3 sets of 5 different weight lifiting. Then its off to the sauna for 10 minutes. Everyday. And if possible, 2 times a day.

It consumes me. It makes me a better person.

Its paying dividends. Shane who I hadn’t seen in 3 weeks flipped out when I saw him today.

Women.
How quickly the tables turn. I’ve been played more than the macarena circa 1996. And it’s all the more fuel for my drive to become who I’m supposed to be.

I made a promise here, that I would weigh 230 lbs, as of right now I’m at 233. And I got 2 days, so I’m confident it’ll happen. Next goal? 217 by Jan 1st.
That’ll make 50 pounds in 4 months. Go Get it. Hope you’re well, and if you don’t like the celtics, stay the fuck out of my way.

On a side note, going to see Roger Waters at the Staples Center, courtesy of a new friend. Thank you.

On a side note, biggest audition of my life tomorrow, I’ll prepare as best as I can, and if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.

Carlos.

One response to “Monday 11.29.10 – Carlos

  1. Anger is a response to pain. What’s eating you, homie?

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