Jordan Kai 12.31.10 – Friday

So, it isn’t my blog-day… but I’m stealing it and writing and brief, although important post…

When I was on tour last year my beautiful friend Emily said, “in 2010, I’m going to get engaged.” At this time, she was dating (and the term is loosely used, because it was long distance and still not official) someone. But, nonetheless, she put out in the universe exactly what she wanted. She didn’t sully it with any justifications or excuses, she just said this is what I want and I’m putting it in the universe.

A few months later, I got a text message with a photo of her left hand and a beautiful ring on it: engaged. boom.

People are so much more powerful than we give ourselves credit for. We make excuses and give ourselves lots of room to back pedal, just in case something we want doesn’t happen. The truth is, if we spent as much time focusing our energies on what we want, rather than what we’ll do if we don’t get it, we’d all feel a lot more successful, happy, and fulfilled.

2010 was a good year. I did what I said I was going to do: I moved to LA and I got a puppy. These are things that I am very happy/proud of.  But, now, its time to think a little bigger…

That said, this year, 2011, I’m going to use the “Emily Secret” I’m getting EXACTLY what I want this year, without excuses or justification:

1) Broadway.

2) Best shape of my life. Not just looking my best, but FEELING my best.

3) actually following through with my new years resolutions: this year I won’t just talk about them, I will act on them.  Come January 14th (or somewhere around there) these resolutions will not be a distant and forgotten memory, they will still be the words that are taped to my wall that get me through the day.

If the rumors are true and the world is really going to end in 2012, I only have a little bit more time to make all my dreams come true.  guess I better start working on it…

happy new year, may all your new years resolutions become realities this year.

JKB.

Thursday 11.18.10 – Jordan Kai

Joy.

 

 

What brings you joy?

 

That was rhetorical…. Mostly because you aren’t a specific person… nonetheless, what brings you joy?

 

I can tell you what brings me joy: performing, pizza, baking, and my puppy to name a few.  I ask this because, what happens when the things that bring you joy suddenly stop? If not forever, but for a moment even… a few days, weeks… whatever it is.  What do you do?

 

I have been performing in shows (musicals, plays, dance recitals, singing classes, etc.) since I can remember.  Even when I was in the worst costumes or had the least amount of solos, it still brought me joy.  No matter what, I could count on that feeling.  Getting up on stage or what have you and just feeling joy – bliss even.

 

Recently, I had my first experience where the thing I loved stopped bringing me joy. For the first time in my life, going to the theater, getting in makeup, getting on stage, being with “show people,” felt like a chore, more than that, a burden.  It broke my heart.  I was crying every night thinking about how embarrassed I was of the production, the team, the cast, and the rehearsal process. It seemed to be the only thing on my brain. How was I ever going to get through this awful experience?

 

I talked about never wanting to perform again because what if THIS show was the maximum caliber of professionalism I could achieve? And, if this is it, I don’t want to do it again.

 

That is what happens when you’re purest joy disappoints you.

 

What do you do after that?

 

You get the fuck over it.

 

After weeks of crying and bitching and moaning I realized something: this show was my only outlet for creativity. No WONDER I was beside myself. THIS is not my joy.   My joy comes from people who LOVE and LIVE and BREATHE this stuff.  This thing that I was involved in was just a passing experience, something I will look back on and LAUGH at… not something I will ever cherish or appreciate for anything but “well, I’m glad that’s over, I hope I learned SOMETHING.”

 

That said, I think that when you’re joy disappoints… it is because it isn’t your joy.  Just because I’m on stage, or eating pizza doesn’t mean it is always gonna be perfect.  My joy is my passion, my drive, and this is merely a bump in the road….. So, no, my joy didn’t’ disappoint me … it merely took a vacation.

So, tonight I ask you, what brings you joy? consider it and appreciate it. and remember…. if it isn’t making you happy, look a little deeper, because maybe you’re just not realizing what it is that TRULY brings you joy.

 

 

goodnight sweet friends. thank you for reading.

 

 

thursday 11.11.10 – Jordan Kai

1) Happy Birthday Steve. I love you.

 

 

2) http://www.dapperdanmichael.com

 

 

 

3) enjoy your weekend.

 

 

4) again, happy birthday steveo.

*Thursday 11.4.10- Jordan Kai

I’m in a show.

 

yes.

 

 

a show about Jew’s.

who are prostitutes.

who live at the turn of the 20th century.

 

_________  great hats, singing, and dancing…duh.

We open tomorrow.

 

Come see it.  It’s called, “BACKSTREET.”

 

over and out.

 

 

 

Thursday 10.28.10 – Jordan Kai

SO.

 

 

 

Last Friday I got on a plane with my roommate and bromance, Carlos.  We flew together at the crack of dawn from Burbank to Boston. We snuggled for the first flight and basically slept from take-off to landing.  Upon arrival in Dallas (our layover city) we shoved our faces with Iced Coffee and egg sandwiches from our beloved and estranged Dunkin Donuts.  Before we had a chance to finish, we were back on the plane and headed to beantown.

 

When we got downtown, we split up, and began our own adventures. If you’ve read Monday, then you know what Los was up to, but now here’s my story:

 

I spent that evening with some of my favorite people in the world.  The thing that I realized only a few hours into my trip was that, despite the fact that I love it in LA, I haven’t found the comfort of really close friendships yet.  Its not to say I haven’t made some incredible friends, but when you are in a city that you are incredibly familiar with, surrounded by people who know your silly habits and eccentricities, enjoying a brisk (but not to cold evening), it is hard not to feel homesick. It was like I’d never left. I felt lucky to be able to just fall back into that comfort zone.  I spent the night drinking, laughing, and singing karaoke at the local theater hang out.  I slept over at Steve’s brother Matthew’s (and he girlfriend Ilona’s) apartment. We caught up on the previous few months over some pizza and “LOST.” Even though I don’t live in Boston anymore, it is nice to feel like I still have family there.

 

The next morning (after Dim Sum) I left Boston proper and headed out to Plymouth, where my brother Seth, my sister in law Joyce, and my niece and nephew Rosie and Zak live.  When I moved to LA, something that was very hard for me to deal with was the idea of being 3000 miles away from my baby niece and nephew. Especially since I tried to be around as much as possible when they were first born. That being said, being with them was such a treat.  I made about a million balloon animals for Z and fell over laughing at about EVERYTHING that Rosie did.

 

Now, we’re at Sunday: this past week my nana rose would have turned 90 years old.  Sadly she passed away this summer. But her twin, my Aunt Pepe, is still living and so (a big reason I went home) we celebrated her milestone with most of my mom’s side of the family.  It was a very bittersweet day.  I was happy to be there, but it was hard to not have my nana there.  Strange, but even as time goes on, it almost gets weirder to comprehend she is gone…  this is for another post… I digress.

 

On Sunday night I arrived in NYC. I got to see my AMAZING friend Shaina play a solo show at a little place on the lower east side and got to see a lot of people I wouldn’t have had the chance to.  Do yourself a favor and check out her music, it is astounding…

 

Monday was spent with my former roommate Betsy.  We had sushi and talked like we hadn’t spent a day apart. I am so SO lucky to have her in my life.  It’s like a joke how easily we understand each other and click.  We then had a night that would have made New York miss New York.

 

To protect some people, I’m not going to name any names, but they aren’t really necessary to the enjoyment of the story:

We went to an apartment that is across the street from Carnegie Hall.  It is epic, huge, stunning, it is the kind of apartment that you DREAM of having in your WILDEST dreams.  The apartment is owned by a very talented and award winning composer, who happens to be dating a close friend of mine from college.  The gathering at the house was lovely- lots of funny, creative people all drinking wine and catching up on our lives.  Among those, was my friend Jonathan Reid Gealt. He is an actor and composer, and for a while I sang one of his songs at auditions. In this apartment was a piano that was formerly owned by musical theater legend Richard Rodgers.  Because JRG was there, I sang one of his songs…. while he played… on Richard Rodgers piano.  It was one of those moments that makes you wish you had a camera crew and professional audio team with you at all times.

 

 

Over the next few days, I got to see some of my closest friends in the world.  There was a lot of laughing and catching up and joy.

 

 

On Wednesday, I recorded for the demo of the musical “The Gefilte Fish Chronicles,” which is based on the 2004 documentary that my parents made. I don’t want to say too much right now, but as soon as I have more information, I’ll post.

 

 

Wednesday night was also a very NY, NY evening.  I went (again, with many wonderful friends) to my friend Greg’s apartment (which happens to be in my parents building) to watch his boyfriend, Zac, on “Top Chef: Just Desserts.” Zac is a friend of mine from summer camp 12 + years ago and is coincidentally, dating Greg now. Zac brought this amazing dessert over for all of us to enjoy while the show was on. It was SO exciting to watch the show with Zac, while eating his dessert, and getting all the gossip about the show. GO ZAC!

 

So, now I’m on the plane (JetBlue, direct to Burbank) thinking about this last week. I had a terrific time… really.  It was hard to leave.  I love the east coast, I love the leaves, the people, the community.  But, when I was there, there was a lot I was missing about LA. I guess I’m at that place where I can look at both places objectively and say, YES, I do want to be apart of both communities.  I’ll take the weather from LA and mix it with the familiarity of NYC… then mix all the people together.  That would be ideal.

 

 

Thanks for reading.  Check the links I’ve left, trust me, they are worth your time.

 

 

Happy Halloween.  Be safe and don’t get too fat.

 

Thursday 10.28.10 – Jordan Kai (part 1)

hello readers..

 

I am still in NYC with much to post about,  but at the moment I need to pack.  Please check back this evening for my full East Coast Post.

 

Thanks!

Thursday 10.21.10 – Jordan Kai

Today is one of those days where I am awaiting what this next week will bring, rather than thinking about this part week.

 

Tomorrow, I’m going to the east coast. Other than the days I spent in NJ when my Nana died, this will be my first REAL trip back since I moved. This will be the first time I get to do a lot of things I haven’t done in 6, sometimes 8 months.  I’ll be in Boston first and then NYC.

 

 

I leave tomorrow morning before dawn breaks, and I’m excited and nervous.  There is something so strange about going home when you haven’t been in so long.  Seeing Boston in the fall, seeing all my friends I haven’t seen in ages, drinking Dunkin Donuts (not from Vegas).

 

I hope that it lives up to my expectations and that I don’t disappoint.

 

 

The one thing I know is that since I’ve had Ernie, these 6 days will be the longest I’ve been without him…. I hope he doesn’t forget me.

 

 

That said,  enjoy your weekend and see Jackass 3D if you get the chance…. Watching grown men point and laugh at each other is very refreshing even when the rest of the world might be a little sad or jaded.

 

 

See you on the east coast!

 

Thursday 10.14.10 – Jordan Kai

There are some days when I look at my life and I have to close my eyes and make sure I’m not dreaming because it is so fucking sweet.

 

 

After last week’s posts… and the week before… I think its time to write something positive.  I don’t like getting too personal on the internet, since you know, anyone can read this. but sometimes I think that I don’t recognize the sweetness in my life. Today, this blog post, will give full recognition.

 

Family

The thing is, my family is the best.  My family starts with my parents who are so supportive that sometimes, I think they are more invested than I am in all of my doings. Not to mention, they take such good care of anyone I love, make me pee my pants laughing, and have never once made me feel like I couldn’t tell them something. Sure, we have our issues.  My mom and I fight like all mothers and daughters, our similarities come out and battle each other on the foreground of the kitchen.  But, most of the time, we’re a young Sophia and Dorothy or Grey Gardens with out the money and the cats.  I think you’ll find that it is hard for anyone to fight with my dad, but we have heated debates about what’s going on in the world right now (or in my bank account). I hope that someday I can have kids who think I’m as badass as I think my parents are.  Next, I have a brother who is 14.5 years my senior.  We never got the chance grow up in the same room or house for that matter, but I always loved my brother so much.  I always wished we were closer in age, so we could have had really intense fights over who did what to who, or how it was someone’s turn to take the garbage out, or to have him around every time I came home from a date so he could threaten my date’s life. But, that’s not how it was.  We only get the chance to fight a few times a year and Seth only got to threaten the guys who I was serious enough to bring home.  Seth married the best girl ever, Joyce. She is the big sister I always wanted and finally have.  They have 2 kids, Zack (3) and Rosie (1) who are the apple of my eye.  I couldn’t be more obsessed with them. I imagine this is about .0005% of what a parent must feel like, but I feel so lucky to have the shmendricks that anything more than that .0005% might make my heart explode.

Friends

My next topic, friends, is not dissimilar to the first topic.  My home is a beautiful little house in North Hollywood.  I live with 4 people who I adore and think of as family.  Once you graduate from college and you begin to live your life away from the home you grew up in, no longer as a student, and truly by your own rules, there become two schools of thought concerning family: 1) Family concerns the group of people to whom you were born into aka not by choice. 2) Family is anyone you are close enough to that you would attach them to your family tree as, “brother,” “cousin,” “sister,” “wife,” or anything else you can come up with. I have to say that I wholeheartedly believe in the second of the 2 options.  The boys I live with are my brothers, (well 3 of 4, but we’ll get to that later).  I have an aunt and 2 cousins that I’ve known since the day I/we was/were born but aren’t technically blood related.  So what.  They are my family just as much as the next Dubroff or Burnett. The same goes for quite a few people. I’m lucky enough to call my friends my family and vice versa.

Love

Every morning, a puppy wakes me up.  This puppy is my literal dream come true. We had a dog when I was a baby but had to give him away before I turned 2. So, of course, from then on all I wanted in the world was a little dog.  Finally, after 24 years of waiting, I moved to LA, put down my luggage, and adopted Ernie. He is a 9- month old jack Russell Maltese and the most glorious creature on earth. When I wished my whole life for a dog, he was the dog I was waiting for.  His ability to make me smile and make me feel unconditionally loved is unrivaled.  He is my baby boy and my puppy love. He is cute at everything he does. Literally. Even when you think it might be gross, it just turns out cute. Anyway, when I’m finally up I get to say “good morning,” to Steve first, before anyone else in the world. These 2 things are something that I could never have known to wish for.  Steve and I have been together for a few years. Still, when I see him, I have that same feeling I did the fall of my senior year of college.  This is when I barely knew him, I knew that he was cute and cool, but I didn’t’ know him the way I do now.  Back then, I was enamored by his passion for his craft and the fact that every girl wanted to be his lady.  This all sounds very fancy, I know, but truly, I still have a crush on him.  As if he were my 6^th grade classmate, I crush on him.  I still get so excited when his number shows up on my phone or when I wait for him to come home from work at night.  Yes, you can all say that I’m very young and what do I know… but I’ll tell you what I know. I know that sometimes you can’t prepare yourself for the awesomeness that life will hold. Sometimes you will say, I’m not ready for ANY of this, but it won’t matter.  When the time is right, whether you’re 4, 24, or 44 when it happens it happens.  You can’t mess with that.  He is the coolest roommate I’ve ever had (sorry Ben, David, Brit, and Betsy) and is the coolest boyfriend ANYONE could have.  We’re on the same page about so many things. Including the fact that even if we think we’re in this for the long haul – we don’t have to get married till we’re 50.  I say this because if I was an uneducated (in terms of my views on marriage) I’d assumed that some gooey story about our engagement was coming next.  No offence to anyone else because I applaud everyone for making their own life choices, but as far as I’m concerned, if we really think that we’re gonna be together forever than why do we have to sign a piece of paper and throw a party that says so? If we’re really in this, why rush? I get it, people love weddings, heck, I love weddings, but only if they aren’t mine. I have so much that I want to accomplish in my life professionally that thinking about cashing some of that in for a baby and a house just doesn’t seem worth it yet.  Besides I have a puppy and a room in a house, that’s more than enough for now.

 

I hope that all this gushing and hyperbole doesn’t throw you to think that any part of this blog is untrue.  It’s hard to not get cynical about life when you’re in the arts. SO, though it might seem much more candy coated than usual, please know that sometimes you merely have to wake up on the bright side of the bed and recognize all the sweet awesomeness your life is filled with.

 

Get some.

 

Thursday 10.7.10 – Jordan Kai

 

 

Today. I feel. Like I don’t want to write.

 

 

Weird? No. it happens.  But today I feel like I’m sitting at a blank screen wondering… what should I write?

 

 

Should I talk about all the pies I’ve been baking? (apple, peach, blackberry, blueberry, raspberry, cherry, pumpkin crumble) nope. Don’t feel like it.

 

 

Should I talk about the show I worked on this week? The benefit for breast cancer that starred Wayne Brady, Busy Philipps, Sharon Lawrence, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Eric Stonestreet, Julie Bowen, and Ty Burrell?  Nah.

 

Should I write about how I’ve been here in LA for 6 months. A whole half of a year? The fact that my life has changed so much that if I tried to imagine what the next 6 months will bring, my brain might explode? Eh…

 

 

So, what do I write about?  The feeling of teetering between insanely motivated and lethargic? The feeling that sometimes I wake up and want to grab the world by its hoo-ha and sometimes I want to sleep.

 

 

Sure. I can talk about all these things. But, it feels false. Like I’d be written to appease someone else who might possibly be reading this. Of course, I appreciate you taking a minute from your day to read this, but would you be interested if I just muster up a few farcical paragraphs about all the above-mentioned categories.  But… let’s be real.  I don’t front.

So,  today I’ll leave you with a few things to think about and  next week, I’ll show up to play ball……

 

A poem of links….

 

Things to make you smile.

Things to make you think.

Things to make you hungry.

Things that you should drink.

 

Thursday 9.30.10 – Jordan Kai

“I have hope. Inside is not a heart, but a kaleidoscope.”

Yesterday I had one of those days that you just wish you could skip over. My best friend Alex always simply referred to it as, “a weird mood.” It’s when you wake up and not only is the glass half empty, but it also has a chip in it. Despite the endless amounts of California sun, it seems grey outside. The kind of day when I wake up and just wish that I could close my eyes and it would be tomorrow.

The worst things about these kinds of days are that they don’t stem from one thing in particular. They aren’t the result of something bad or different that has happened. It is that unidentifiable feeling of, “blah.”

So, I pouted around the house for a few hours: feeling cranky, moody, sluggish, all the things that go against my general attitude of positivity and all-around psyched-ness. I had a few little things to do including a job interview at a restaurant and a tentative dinner date with some possible new friends. But, usually, on these days all I want it to sit in my bed and sulk.

I found myself sitting on the couch with walker, (Tuesday’s blogger) and shared with him these feelings of “wah wah” I’d been immersed in.  I told him that this awful feeling was not the cause of anything, but the cause of a lot of things piling up that I almost couldn’t identify.  Walker then, without hesitation, told me to remember that all of my problems were manageable. Most importantly, he added, I had to go to the interview and to dinner.

So, I did. I went and interviewed at a place and got a great respsonse, I have a 2^nd interview tomorrow. Then, I went out with 7 girls (only 1 of whom I really knew) and had great conversation, food, and a terrific time. It was SO great to get out of the house and feel like I really lived in LA.  That I wasn’t just here to sit in my house, audition, and then go back to sitting in my house. To take a few hours with some people that I was genuinely interested in and vice versa. I came home last night with a brand new sense of positivity on life.

Now, these kinds of grey days aren’t always so quickly dismissed. I’ve had grey weeks for that matter. But, for some reason, last night it felt like the turn of a switch. Like I’ve been here long enough (5.5 months) that it is now time to stop living in the grey area and start REALLY living my life out here. No more excuses. Not only does that mean that it is time to start finding a true routine (a job, gym, eating right, etc..) but it means going out and enjoying LA the same way I did in NYC.  Spending time with new and old friends, exploring the city, and REALLY living here.

This weekend my best girl Miche is coming and on Sunday my dad is coming. I have nothing but great things to look forward to. And starting now, I’m going to TRULY start living my life  here.