Thursday 9.23.10 – Jordan Kai

Preface: I was in a short film, for a contest. The rules were that the same 4 lines were to be used and no other and that it was to be less than 3 minutes.  Have a good laugh.

Today, I had one of those moments where I looked around and thought to myself,

“What the FUCK. “

How did I get to be standing in the middle of The Grove on a Wednesday afternoon, drinking limeade, and being only 20 minutes from what I currently call my home.  Like, for serious.

This is the moment that “WTF” was invented for.

When you can no longer justify the lack of normalcy in your life and you have to just ask yourself…. Wasn’t I just living in NY? Or Boston? Or Virginia, for that matter?   Don’t I have to go buy a fall formal dress? Or read some book for a class I wish I didn’t have to take?  WTF.

It is the 2^nd day of fall… haha, like I would have known that if I hadn’t been reminded by someone who lives on the east coast.  Fall? WTF is fall?  I’m bracing myself for the lack of season, though I don’t know if it will hit me until I go back east and realize that the vacationland I call home is in a perpetual state of summer and everyone else in the world is still suffering the consequences (and loveliness) of November.

I was thinking last night, what it will be like to have no snow in December: no winter coat, snow boots, or excuses that I couldn’t get somewhere because the roads were too icy (even if the real reason is because my bed is warm and I have a lifetime supply of sugar-free swiss miss in my cabinet). I know it is only September, but I’m an Aquarius, which means I am a future thinker.  Never thinking about the now, always thinking about what is coming next. So, I start thinking about my Halloween costume in June and I start thinking about the weirdness of winter on the 2^nd day of fall. When I was 10, my birthday party was going to be at the indoor pool my parents belonged to. Of course, it closed that weekend because of the blizzard of ’96.  My friends came over and we wore our swimsuits in my living room, not really the same, but thanks folks for the effort.  Therefore, I wonder, will I finally be able to have that pool party on my birthday I’ve always wanted? These are things that are clearly well in the future, but they are becoming a part of my everyday life.  Tonight, when standing outside with my roommates, I said, “It is COLD out.” Mind you, the weather here is currently 60deg. Then, quickly, I followed with “I’ve been living LA too long. This is clear.” What happened to the thick skin I spend 24 years perfecting!? What happened to thinking 60 was a perfect shorts day and that COLD was when it was below 0.  Don’t get me wrong, I love it here, and (sorry everyone back east) I have no plans to move anytime soon, but how did this happen? How did I become that girl who is cold in 60deg weather while wearing a SWEATSHIRT?

WTF.

I gave Ernie a haircut on Sunday. He needed it. He was getting really dirty and very scruffy, even for Ernie.  So, I gave my first EVER haircut (excluding the one I gave myself when I was 4). He looks great.  I mean.  He still looks like a dog, so that’s a plus. Kidding. I’m proud of myself.

I’ve also rediscovered my love of baking.  I love it.  I truly love baking it more than I even love eating it.  DUH, I still love eating it. But the act of making something that then provides joy to all my friends with the bonus of a sense of creativity and accomplishment, just rocks.

This past weekend my baby cousin Devin was here. She arrived Thursday and left on Monday. It was the first time that we’ve been without our family.  It was our first cousin weekend. It was incredible. Please understand, that Devin will always be my baby cousin… but she is actually 21.  When we were little, she was just “the shadow,” to me.  A nickname she got because she copied everything I did…everything.  Imagine what it is like to have someone 3.5 years younger than you following LITERALLY your every step. But, now, she is just the coolest person I know.  I love her to a million pieces. She is incredibly smart, beautiful, and so much fun I can’t even believe that we’re lucky enough to be related.  We had a great weekend of shopping, eating, and LAUGHING. A lot. It was just what both of us needed and I was so sad to see her go.  We don’t see each other nearly enough, but I think now that we know what good friends and “BFF cousins,” we make, we’ll both go out of our way to make sure these weekends happen more often.

As far as the examination of my life goes, I think I’ll give it a rest for the moment.  So much of my day-to-day life is a shock to the system that it isn’t even worth analyzing. For now when I look out my window and see palm trees, drink coffee in my backyard with my puppy, and sit in the perpetually beautiful weather, I’ll just take a deep breathe and say…. WTF.

9.16.10 Thursday – Jordan Kai

“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.” – Mel Brooks

Well, who wants a good laugh? Last weeks blog was my most intimate blog to date.  I openly talked about my self doubts, vulnerabilities, and skepticism. About 12 hours after my post went up, I came to learn that my agency, or rather the agency that was providing me with Los Angeles representation, was closing.  BAM! In your face, LIFE!  Wait… WAIT.  In MY face.  That sucks.  My friend Deborah equated it with getting laid off: “it sucks. You take a few days. Then you get over it.” So, that’s what I’m trying to do. I’m trying to keep my mind focused on everything except the fact that I now feel like every other fish in the see of the LA acting pool. There was something about coming here with representation that gave me a feeling of stability: the fact that I had at least one person on my team, professionally. But, that’s life. Also, referencing last week, it is part of what I signed up for. Unfortunate, but true.  Like they say, when one door closes, another one cracks… but then you realize you forgot your keys so you have to go back into the house and get your keys to go to the door…. Oh no. wait, that’s what I say…  Nevertheless, I shot a short film last week. It was for a contest and the only rules were that the film needed to be 3 minutes or less and you had to use 4 lines in order and no other dialogue was permitted.  It’s called, “White Out.” I’m insanely proud of it.  It makes me laugh and it has made other people laugh. So, check it out and share it…. Please.

In other news, I went to Vegas this past weekend. The only things I can say about the trip (shame-free) are as follows:

1 — Dunks… 4 times in 3 days.

2 — ALWAYS bet on #12. You will always end up on top.

3 – If you have a chance to roadtrip to Vegas with your closest friends, for 2 of their birthdays, do it.  Don’t hesitate.

In other news, we have another full house this weekend. Los’ brother Mike is here, my cousin Devin is coming tonight, and an old friend from back east Tom is staying with us.  A family weekend, if you will.  Tonight we’re going to the midnight show of “The Town,” aka our house film.  3 of the 5 roommates at the PHW are either in or worked on this movie.  Also, former PH resident and long-time friend Nico has been married to “the town,” for the last year of his life. So, we’re going to this as a family celebration.  It is going to be excellent.  I can’t wait.

Other wise, that seems to be it on my end.

Oh, wait, lastly, thanks for all attention we’re getting. If you like what you read, please share this with your friends.

Have a happy weekend… and for the other Jews out there, have an easy fast.

See you next week….

Thursday 9.09.10 – Jordan Kai

It is hard to not feel like my whole life is in limbo. How is that for an epic and stupidly vague opening line? You’re welcome.

I say this because when you make the choice to be in “the business” (whether it be behind the scenes/camera or in front) there is a list of things that you sign up for, these things are not always the case, but at any time these are the things you need to be prepared for:

1)   Living paycheck to paycheck

2)   Eating cereal and spaghetti because of its cost

3)   Not being able to go out for coffee, a movie, dinner, or shoes.

4)   Going long stretches of time where you feel much more like a professional something else rather than an actor.

5)   Being told you aren’t good enough, thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough. That you didn’t go to the right school, don’t have the best agent, don’t have, or simply just don’t have what it takes.

6)   Questioning my choice to do what I am doing everyday.

Most of the time, the things listed in #5 aren’t true, but nevertheless they are part of someone’s opinion, someone who makes the choice about whether you’re playing Ophelia, the next Carrie Bradshaw, or selling $30,000s worth of toothpaste.  But rejection is just as much of this business as dancing, singing, or booking a job it…. More so even.  It is the other half of auditioning… it is part of a daily routine. No, by the way, this is not me being negative, far from it. This is me being honest and realistic.

It doesn’t make a difference whether I like these things or not, they are what I signed up for.  A lot of times you’ll meet someone in the business who doesn’t want to have to sign up…. Those are the people, in my opinion, who don’t last.  That isn’t a bad thing, at all, more power to them, if they can find their bliss in something else I implore them. But, if this is what you want… you have to get over it.

Before I moved out here, people told me that the biggest difference between NYC and LA was that between gigs in LA the time moved like molasses. Like, some how on the east coast, there was just more time-killing stuff. Whereas out here if you weren’t doing something you’d have done a census by the time you got something else.  I have yet to feel that way. I’ve been bouncing around doing lots of things, which is great. But for the first time, I’m starting to feel the ache of the “?” Why did I move here? What do I want? Am I doing everything in my power to make it happen?

I moved here to do something different, focus on tv/film/comedy and let theater go to the wayside for a minute.  But, it is hard to not go to EVERY theater audition that I find. The problem with that is, in NYC, I was auditioning for 2 shows a day, there was no time to take anything personally.  Tough skin is something I generally pride myself on. But here, because theater worth being invested in is so few and far between, it’s hard to not get emotionally attached. It becomes the one thing on my mind for days…which is a STRANGE feeling for me. But, does that mean that I stop auditioning for theater and focus entirely on something else or figure out how to balance it?  Obviously, the answer is to get over it and find a balance.  #6.  This is the most important thing that I signed up for. Despite the fact that it brings me joy and happiness everyday, having made the choice to be an actor is the scariest and most unsettling choice I’ve ever made as well.

But, there is a reason that I keep doing it.  That I keep auditioning, reading, learning, growing….  Because I fucking have to,  yup. I’m not good at anything else, and when it comes down to it, it is the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning…..

So, at the end of everyday I am so thankful for the choice I’ve made and for the things I’ve signed up for.

Ps.  I’ve been in LA  5 months today.

L’Shana Tova.

Thursday 9.2.10 – Jordan Kai

When I was growing up I always felt a little out of place – cue laugh track.  I don’t mean because I was weird or different, although that was part of it, but growing up I always felt like an anachronism (–noun 1. something or someone that is not in its correct historical or chronological time, esp. a thing or person that belongs to an earlier time). I write the definition because it was a vocabulary word in 6^th grade that, once defined, was never forgotten. Plus, its not used often enough for me to judge you if you don’t know what it means. Rather, I support your learning it.  Anyway, I call myself an anachronism because I always felt that I was born in the wrong era.  This is a problem that I think a lot of “theater kids,” feel.  Wishing they had been born in the golden era of theater and film, when musical performers were respected, celebrated, and famed as much if not more than those who only performed on the screen.  But, even at a young age I always had a soft-spot for something that was a little less cool.  Instead of Britney Spears, I was listening to Benny Goodman and Jo Stafford.  I’d skip Josie and the Pussycats to watch Swing Kids at my house for the millionth time. Even at 13, the late 90’s fashions just didn’t do it for me, so I dawned a ¾ sleeve suit and skirt, seemed stockings, and a dogwood flower with hairnet to my bat mitzvah.  That desire to be a part of a different time never died.  I wished, when looking back at photos of my nana, that’d I’d been one of her 7 sisters instead of her grandchild so I could wear all of her beautiful outfits, date a man who always wore a suit, and go dancing 5 out of 7 nights… because its just what you did.

As I’ve grown older, most of this hasn’t changed.  As far as clothes go – I still look for clothes that would flatter Sophia Loren rather than Kate Moss.  I found a great store today called Audrey K in Burbank.  All of her clothes are either vintage or inspired-vintage.  “The more voluptuous the woman, the better my clothes look on them,” owner Audrey said.  Needless to say, I didn’t want to leave.

In a similar but different situation, I’ve always longed to live in the golden age of female comedy. Don’t get me wrong, I love Tina Fey etc… but this was different. When Gilda Radner, Carol Burnett, , and Madeline Kahn were the top.  Some how, I feel like I missed the boat. As if the goals I’ve set for myself were already somehow achieved by super fierce bitches 30-40 years before me.  But, c’est la vie… if you can join ‘em…. beat ‘em…right? Haha. Guess I’ll try.

I’m sure by now you’re wondering where the heck is this coming from? I started thinking about this because, in addition to all the things I’ve said, I’ve also had an affinity for other artists who feel the same way, like they aren’t in the right time, but rather trying to conform to what everyone else is doing, they find away to bring back the old into the new.  Most recently, have to give serious props to Cee-lo with his new tune “F*** You.” Yes, it sounds profain but it is just perfect.  He is a hip-hop artist who had a song to share… and ohhhh mama did he.  This sounds like it is STRAIGHT out of Motown and I LOVE it.  If you haven’t heard it yet, that means you live under a rock, in which case I wonder how you have a computer but nonetheless, no one should suffer another minute without it…

Nevertheless, I can’t sit here, on my bed typing to you and fake like I’m gonna give up just cause I feel out of place.  Duh, I still feel out of place, I think that is a lot of who I am.  But, whether it be setting my comedy goals high, listening to sweet tunes, or always looking like I’m getting ready to go on set for The Maltese Falcon, I’m gonna be like Cee-lo and tell the universe that I am COOLER than 2010 and I will show you that by working it circa 1949.

Now that I’m done, I’m gonna go listen to the radio. I hear little orphan Annie has a message for me that I can figure out with my decoder. Plus, there is a sale at the Bettie Page store….. psych…I wish there was a sale….

Oh, by the way, did I mention I have a yard? More on that next week.

Thursday 8.26.10 – Jordan

Jordan Kai here!

As of today I have been living in Los Angeles for 4 months and 18 days.  I’ve been here long enough for kids to finish off a school year, have a summer break, go shopping for back to school clothes, and have their first day of school.  Its kind of a lot. That is the best way of explaining it.

After a few months touring the country, I made a very shaky decision to move my tush all the way from the big apple to the big palm tree.  Then, instead of waiting like a sensible, well-adjusted person… I picked up with 6 weeks notice and moved.

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This being my first post…. I feel like I should be updating the world about all the things that I’ve been doing, so, um… here it is:

April— Got in the 1995 Volvo with my pops and drove from NYC to LA in 8 days (it was the greatest trip of all time), I moved to Burbank with Steve. We moved in with Jack, my cousin by choice. We ate a LOT of joy feast Got a job doing costume birthday parties.

May – I booked my first show in LA, made awesome friends in my new theater company, moved to the PHW, and found the love of my life.

June — Got settled in the PHW with Steve and Los, rehearsed for “Dog Sees God,” and fell more in love with the pup.

July – Went to Seattle, said my nana passed away, went to NY and NJ, got a new job, and Christian moved here.

August – Quit my new job, booked my first commercial, moved from the main house to the guest house with steve, had my mom come visit LA for the first time, surprise! Walker moved here, sold my 1995 Volvo 850 to Los, bought a Red Prius and named her Betty White. and snuggled with ernie.

The few things I’ve done consistently have been purchasing shoes, wearing big hats so as not to be exposed to the sun, and FINALLY lived in the same state/city/house/room as Steve for the first time in over a year.

Ernie, the maltese-jack russel- puppy prince, is literally my dream come true. He is everything I have ever wanted. I’m literally obsessed.

I live with 5 boys (including pups) and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love it. The laughing, cooking, shit-giving, and the unending support. It rules.

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Being the fervent east coaster that I am, I had the fear that I’d get here, hate it, and come home. In this case, 1 out of 3 is great.

I got here and I love it.  Sometimes is it so hot I feel smothered, sometimes I wish I could just take my legs and walk….everywhere, and sometimes I wish I could just get a fucking bagel (pardon the French).  But, at the end of the day, I get to come home to a beautiful house, hilarious and loving roommates, a man that I love (ernie) and my boyfriend, ernie… I mean steve. Oh, and did I mention I have a yard? More on that next week.

Over and out, homies.